I have a four-year-old boy who started school in September. The teacher tells me that he is quiet and withdrawn in class – he doesn't speak, ask questions and seems incapable of doing the most basic of tasks. She tells me that she has no relationship whatsoever with him.
He is very different at home. He chatters a lot, asks questions, is intrigued about how things work and is not shy to approach and chat to both children and adults – even those he doesn't know.
We are bewildered. I can understand if my son does not like, or feels intimidated by the teacher, as she does not seem to be a warm or friendly person, but the classroom assistant is, yet she says the same about him. They have suggested an education psychologist assessment – but we are not keen as this behaviour is only exhibited in the classroom in the presence of the teachers. My eight-year-old daughter, who goes to the same school, says he plays and socialises well at playtimes – we, too, see that he does at parties, etc.
Please can you help? I would be so grateful for any advice
Answers
The focus should be on solving the problem in the classroom.
Your son is showing shyness and withdrawal in the classroom. He may have had a negative experience in the classroom or he could be struggling with the work and or the structure of the classroom. He may be afraid he will not be able to cope with the work and would appear silly, not wanting to fail.
You could try discussing possible ways forward with his teacher, such as:
1. Peer involvement – getting him to work with one of his peers, that pupil becoming his ally.
2. Teacher interventions – changing the social environment (like seating them among friendly classmates or assigning them to a partner or small group), minimising stress or embarrassment, engaging him in special activities.
3. Other Interventions – involving him frequently in small-groups, cooperative interaction with peers; using him to support other peers; determining his peer preferences and seating him near preferred peers; leading but not forcing him to communicate; avoiding putting him in situations that would be embarrassing or frightening; and assigning him to messenger roles or other tasks that require communication.
My son's school said exactly the same thing about him - even though he goes to a drama club and has played the lead for the past 3 years at end of year plays! The school arranged a weekly "fun club" where children of a similar nature (we're not all loud and forthright) get together and have little chats and "reviews" about what they have done in order to get them to express themselves. One teacher was concerned and implemented all this the other said "that's the way he is" which I fully understand as I worked as a trainer but outside of the office I would not say boo to a goose. If there is a drama club nearby (we use Helen O'Grady) it is great for boosting confidence.