My 11-year-old daughter is really pessimistic. Everything and anything I say to her is met with buts and little enthusiasm and she always seems to be worried about ‘what ifs’. Can you recommend anything that might help?
It would seem that your child is suffering from poor self-esteem and negative thinking which may have resulted from many failures or negative experiences in her life.
Try the following ways forward
1. Spend some special time with your daughter and allow her to be – get to know her. Be consistent forming positive habits.
2. Give her responsibilities where she is allowed to come up with solutions.
3. Praise her more for the things she does and for just being a special daughter.
4. Get your daughter to take ONE thing and focus on it for a period of time. Encouraging her to develop good positive habits around this task or hobby can produce effective lasting change. It takes hard work, discipline, and focus, but keep at it and don’t give up.
5. Change her habits of thinking. One good way to change her thinking is with writing as thoughts are more airy than a physical habit. That's the only thing that makes them seem harder to change. But when you put your thoughts down on paper, it makes your thoughts real, physical, and available to look at. When she experiences a small setback, ask her to write down how she explains it to herself. Then look at it. Ask her if she thinks she has over-generalised. Is she sure? Has she seen the setback in its most unchangeable, permanent aspect?
Answers
It would seem that your child is suffering from poor self-esteem and negative thinking which may have resulted from many failures or negative experiences in her life.
Try the following ways forward
1. Spend some special time with your daughter and allow her to be – get to know her. Be consistent forming positive habits.
2. Give her responsibilities where she is allowed to come up with solutions.
3. Praise her more for the things she does and for just being a special daughter.
4. Get your daughter to take ONE thing and focus on it for a period of time. Encouraging her to develop good positive habits around this task or hobby can produce effective lasting change. It takes hard work, discipline, and focus, but keep at it and don’t give up.
5. Change her habits of thinking. One good way to change her thinking is with writing as thoughts are more airy than a physical habit. That's the only thing that makes them seem harder to change. But when you put your thoughts down on paper, it makes your thoughts real, physical, and available to look at. When she experiences a small setback, ask her to write down how she explains it to herself. Then look at it. Ask her if she thinks she has over-generalised. Is she sure? Has she seen the setback in its most unchangeable, permanent aspect?
Denise Roberts, Editor, My Child